Thursday, July 23, 2009

English in Japan

I don't know about you, but "Oops" is the last word I wanna hear when I'm getting a haircut.


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お久しぶりやな!It's been a while...

Since I've taken so long to update this blog, I thought I'd give you a treat: a post about (so-called) Engrish. I have resisted doing so because:

(1) It's kind of a cliche for blogs about Japan,

(2) I am teaching English, and I want to encourage my students. Laughing at their mistakes does not encourage them. If my Japanese teachers posted my mistakes online for others to laugh at, I might lose motivation, and

(3) It gives the impression that Japanese people are poor at English.

However:

(1) Blogs about Engrish are popular and I felt badly for taking so long to update this blog, so I thought people might enjoy it,

(2) Of course, I won't mention any students' names or locations. Also, I will include my own errors in Japanese to hopefully even things out, and

(3) The fact is that most Japanese people study English for at least 6 years and at most 10 or more. Their knowledge of grammar is likely better than yours. It's simply that, for various socio-cultural reasons, they often don't speak English, so their spoken English is weak and they lack confidence about using it.

Written English is looked upon as somewhat of an embellishment than rather to add meaning (similar to how French is used to add a "touch of class" to restaurant menus in North America). Thus, errors in written English often go unnoticed (similar to how errors in written French often went unnoticed by Canadians such as myself, despite my having studied French for years and being part-French).

Also, as I think I've mentioned in a prior post, quite a few North Americans get tattoos with Japanese/Chinese characters riddled with errors, so making mistakes in your non-native language is hardly unique to Asia.

I'll kick things off with some pics:


Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the famous "Sightseeing Restroom", spotted here taking a rare break from its sightseeing activities. Actually, the English here is actually not so bad: we have a verb turned into a gerund being used as an adjective (like "running shoes" or "shopping bag"). However, for this to be consistent, it would have to mean "restroom for the purpose of sightseeing" (as in "shoes for the purpose of running", etc.). I didn't actually go in, so - to be fair - maybe there's actually some sights worth seeing in there. We may never know.


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In a similar vein to the above....everybody FUCKING RUN!!! It's the FACIAL BODY REMOVER!


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In an email some guy sent to me: "I work at city hole". Somehow oddly apt, I thought.


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A regular student came in one of my jobs and plopped himself down on the floor. "I failed my erection" he announced glumly to the room. I considered this for a moment. Since my job is basically correcting the English of others, I can do this with robot-like precision and speed. Let's see...he said "failed", so it was probably a test..."erection"..."election"...ah, he probably confused "examination" with "election" ("r" and "l" pronunciation is a notorious weak point here). I corrected him and explained his error. It didn't get as big a laugh as it rightfully should have.


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Literally right around the corner from "Oops", we can recover from our haircut experience at "Tits". Their milkshake is better than yours.


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Sometimes, mistakes are somehow charming or poetic. In a text message: "It's heavenly rain" (she meant to say "heavy").


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I taught a "making stories" class at the same job as the "failed erection" guy. It basically involved talking about the method of telling a story in English, then displaying a kind of picture book from which students would choose one picture as the basis for their story. On that day, a shopping mall scene was chosen. In the picture, various people were milling about on the main floor of the mall: families, children, etc. The students basically described the scene. I walked around, checking the stories for tense, spelling, grammar, meaning, etc.I stopped at the story of one woman. She had written, "There is a woman in red. She has a baby in her vaggy." As noted above, I think it is wrong to laugh at students' work. Yet, I laughed. Heartily. I looked at the pic to see what was going on. The woman in red was pushing a stroller. A carriage. A pram. A buggy. Again, "v" and "b" confusion is a common error here ("bideo store" etc.). Again, I explained the error but failed to successfully explain just how classic this error was.


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Who made that beautiful painting? Let's take a closer look...

It's a Rongo! But "Drawed"? "Drawed"? Wrong-o. Actually, as "drawn" is a past participle (and they suck), "drawed" is a good guess. It was more the "Rongo" that gave me a chuckle.


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Just to even things out....
Another error, this time mine, was also not as appreciated as I thought it should be. I had several students that were hostesses. It's bad news to date students, but hostesses are really cute so I thought they might have some cute friends and, hey, it's an opportunity. There is a kind of "social mixer" here, a "joint party" of guys and girls, called a konpa or goukon. Someone, usually a girl, organizes a meeting of single guys and girls. I suggested to my friend that she set one up:

Me: Hey, I was thinking...why don't we have a goukon?

Her: WHAAAT?

Me: You know, a goukon. Just get a bunch of your cute girlfriends together. I've always wanted to do that.

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Don't worry, just call the girls. I'll set everything up. I'll invite a bunch of guys.I think it's a good chance to have a goukon.

At that time, I couldn't remember the word "konpa", so I stuck with "goukon". However, I pronounced it "goukan". Now, "goukon" (合コン) means "joint party, mixer, combined party, etc"). Unfortunately, "goukan" (強姦) means "violation, rape, forced sex, sexual assault, etc."). So, what I had actually requested was:

Me: Hey, I was thinking...why don't we have a RAPE?

Her: WHAAAT?

Me: You know, FORCED SEX. Just get a bunch of your cute girlfriends together. I've always wanted to do that.

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Don't worry, just call the girls. I'll set everything up. I'll invite a bunch of guys. .I think it's a good chance to have a SEXUAL ASSAULT.


-----------Writed by Rongo. I mean, Bonsai Superstar!-----------


P.S.- In a move surprising to no-one more than myself, I have quit drinking. As a result, I have been quite productive recently, so I hope to update this damn thing more often.

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8 comments:

Rachel~ said...

Hahaha! Really like this one. Not cliche at all~ I like the milkshake thing! There're a lot of similar stuff in China too. I should get them bloged!
Hey I've been busy(or lazy...) these days, but will email you soon! Actually I've drafted the email, but not finish yet...I haven't seen your blog for a while, I really miss your words. :D

Rachel~ said...

Hahaha! Really like this one. Not cliche at all~ I like the milkshake thing! There're a lot of similar stuff in China too. I should get them bloged!
Hey I've been busy(or lazy...) these days, but will email you soon! Actually I've drafted the email, but not finish yet...I haven't seen your blog for a while, I really miss your words. :D

Linda Meier said...

Hey James, I enjoyed your Engrish stories so much. I haven't laughed like that in such a long while. You have a wonderful sense of humour. Thinking of you and hoping all is well.

Andreas said...

Hi Dana - pretty funny! Hey, I might come to Japan soon too !

julie said...

I like reading your blogs. I stumbled into it while browsing for a Chinese song to sing on my father's birthday. Keep blogging!

julie said...

just wanted you to know i read your blogs and enjoyed them tremendously. stumbled upon it while looking for a Chinese song to sing on my father's birthday. Keep on blogging!

Joseph said...

Can you explain the "Rongo" part to me? Seems like an in-joke I'm missing out on...
And kudos on the teetotalling! At least now I'll have a fellow compadre to quietly consume coke or OJ instead of vodka. :D

bonsai-superstar said...

Thanks, y'all!

J: "Rongo"...Probably a nom de plume, it should be a non de plume. Wasn't Rongo the name of the retarded brother in "There's Something About Mary"? Come on. Rongo is just intrinsically funny. To me, anyway.

I drink socially now, though I have radically cut down. It's basically too much of the culture here to give it up completely. Yes, that's it.